Codependency means one has an unhealthy dependence on relationships.  People with co-dependent tendencies will do anything to hold onto a relationship to avoid feeling abandoned. They have a strong need for approval, recognition, and validation. They often sacrifice their own needs, safety, and boundaries to maintain relationships. They have a hard time soothing their feelings independently and generating positive thoughts and feelings about themselves. Their self-esteem is heavily influenced by the perceptions of others.  They engage in compulsive caretaking, which often denotes an underlying need to feel important and in control. They experience a sense of guilt when asserting themselves. They have a difficult time connecting with their anger. They suppress their anger even when they are being mistreated and disrespected. They have a difficult time knowing the difference between assertiveness and aggression.  Although people with codependent tendencies have big hearts, and a strong desire to be a good person, they often feel used, and resentful. Addressing these tendencies in therapy can lead to positive changes in your mental and physical health.  

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Some self-beliefs that characterize codependency:

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• Anger is dangerous and I can’t feel it or express it.

• I can't solve my own problems. 

• My wants and needs should be sacrificed for others.

• I don’t deserve love or success.

• Other people’s perceptions and opinions are more important than mine.

• I am worthless without other people’s love and approval.

• I can’t take pride in my successes.

• I am not entitled to boundaries.

• I must be perfect, otherwise others will reject me.

• I must be perfect, otherwise I will be rejected.
   

In therapy, we work on transforming the self-beliefs that drive self-sacrificing behaviors and develop an enhanced capacity for assertiveness (i.e., boundary setting) and emotional independence.